The Space Between

I haven’t been given to much blogging lately, as a symptom of a greater ill-at-ease that has infected my life.

As an example, use my previous sentence in the context of “my purpose in blogging.”

- Is this blog/webpage a venue to showcase my writing ability, as a medium to pull potential readers into buying my book?

- Is this a personal blog, wherein I can write and rant and post random things relevant to me personally?

- Where do I draw the line between “personal” and “professional” in each context? My book is remarkably personal, yet seemingly void of day-t0-day bullshit I would fill these pages with.

If you take the bizarre, conflicting ideals presented in that sentence and apply it broadly to pretty much every area of my life, you start to get the picture.

This is what is sometimes referred to as the “impotence in light of infinite choices.” I’m in a position in my life where I have “the best years of my life” to wholly and totally devote to some thing. Something. Anything, really, so long as it:

- Makes me money.

- Uses my abilities (challenging) .

- Is something I feel is important in the world.

There are so many potential choices in the world I’ve become paralyzed, unable to move forward – I don’t know which direction “forward” is.

This is the great drawback to a self-directed life. I could devote myself to writing more books, something that people nod in agreement with but has, so far, not done much for advancing my personal causes (other than getting me a girlfriend!). It is a very unmanly position to be in, one of indecision when one has nothing but time and resources, but without the clear and guiding Light of God I’m lost.

There was a time, oh yes, a time indeed in which I believed I was doing the holiest of work, and that those signals and signs all pointed to the correctness and importance of my self-directed work. Nowadays…. maybe I just need to meditate more.

This entry was posted on Tuesday, May 25th, 2010 at 00:46 and is filed under Blog and tagged with rambling, random, stupid, writing. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed.